


Proper Lawn Maintenance

by anxiousgeek



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 19:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16247963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousgeek/pseuds/anxiousgeek
Summary: Leliana has an unusual solution to maintaining the lawn at the Cathedral. Cassandra does not approve.





	Proper Lawn Maintenance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunspot (unavoidedcrisis)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unavoidedcrisis/gifts), [sweettasteofbitter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweettasteofbitter/gifts), [Dragonflies_and_Katydids](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonflies_and_Katydids/gifts).



> Because if people say "someone should write that fic" I will write that fic. Also cause of the Black Emporium discord is a strange but wonderful thing.

“It talks, Leliana. It talks.”

Cassandra says this as they stand in the garden behind the golden spire, Leliana simply smiling at her. The gardens are huge, taking up more space than the cathedral itself almost and requiring more upkeep certainly. Leliana loves it, and she knows Cassandra does too, even if they don’t get to spend a lot of time enjoying it. In the summer it smells sweet, in the winter it’s still abloom. The chantry mothers and clerics who tend to it have spent their whole lives doing so, they know every flower, every herb, every inch.

In the centre is a huge lawn.

Over time it has become more of a hindrance than anything, the changeable Val Royeaux weather meaning it grows all year round and needs maintaining often. 

Leliana has found a solution, though Cassandra is less than thrilled.

“Sir Woolsey does talk, but he’s perfectly safe,” Leliana says. 

They watch as the orange ram chews on the grass it’s just bitten off, a small patch already short and tidy thanks to him. 

“He’s talks,” Cassandra says again. “He’s clearly a demon.”

“Clearly,” Leliana agrees. 

“Where on Thedas did he come from?” Cassandra asks. She has one hand on the pommel of her sword, her entire posture tense as if she were about to step into battle. Leliana has seen it many times in their time together with the Divine. It’s impressive, usually, but right now unneeded. Unheeded.

They are safe.

“I met a young farmer in Redcliffe. He’s been in their family for years, always brought them luck.”

“Really?” Cassandra huffs.

“They managed to escape the blight thanks to Ser Woolsey.”

“Ser Woolsey??” The Seeker barks out a laugh and Leliana chuckles. “This demon’s name is Ser Woolsey?”

“Apparently so.”

Cassandra shakes her head.

“It cannot stay Leliana,” she says. “It is a danger to the Divine.”

Leliana is still smiling, she knows Cassandra isn’t angry – yet – as she’s still calling her Leliana. Even as the grip tightens on her pommel when Ser Woolsey bolts forward a little to investigate a bush. 

The ram – the demon – is like every other creature Leliana has come across bar it’s ability to speak. And she still has some time to convince Cassandra nothing will happen before the Divine returns from her prayers.

“I would have not bring it here if I thought that Cassandra,” she says. “You know I take my responsibility to her Perfection very seriously.”

“I know that, but this is still a demon.”

“A demon that has possessed the same ram for over thirty years by all accounts. It’s obviously happy as a ram and it has agreed to the terms of the deal I made with him and his owner.”

“The ram – the demon – agreed. Agreed to what?”

Leliana watches as Ser Woolsey lies down, seemingly done with lunch.

“To maintain the lawn,” she says. “At least until we can contract some outside assistance. Which would be easier if I were around to vet the staff.”

“You have made it more difficult, if you did not want to do such a thorough check on every gardener in Orlais we would not need a demon to trim the lawn,” Cassandra says.

“Well, I’m not risking the Divines life for the sake of some grass,” she replies. “The demon can be watched by my scouts.”

“Your scouts could do the gardening.”

Leliana shakes her head.

“Then who would watch the garden entrances while they are maintaining the lawn?”

“Sister Nightingale,” Cassandra says, and Leliana frowns. She losing the argument. “This is not a joke, the scouts cannot guard the entrances and the demon and the divine.”

“I’ve assigned a few extra in preparation. I would not risk Dorea-her perfections life. Nothing will go wrong.”

Cassandra snorts.

“Famous last words Leliana.”

She smiles and goes to speak when Divine Victoria the Second comes up behind them, slowly and smiling.

“Good afternoon to you both,” she says. She presses a hand to both their cheeks, one after another and Cassandra managed not to drop to one knee. She still struggles with the informality Divine Victoria wants from them both, even after all these years. Leliana has known her longer, known how she wanted to be treated as a Reverend mother and now as Divine. And Leliana has never been one for chantry formalities.

Cassandra is all formalities though which Leliana is infuriated by even though she respects it.

She’s not sure why she thought she would manage to get away with bringing Ser Woolsey to the Cathedral but then, Cassandra was in the Free Marches when she was in Redcliffe. 

She was at least hoping Ser Woolsey would at least get a whole turn of the damn lawn done.

“Good afternoon,” Leliana says. “How were your midday prayers?”

“Satisfying. How were your mornings?”

“Productive,” Cassandra says, “but there is a problem.”

“There is no problem,” Leliana cuts in. “Everything is fine.”

“Well,” The Divine says, “I see a ram in my garden, which is certainly unusual.”

Divine Victoria steps forward, around Cassandra even as the Seeker moves to stand in her way. She falls into step behind her, hovering over her shoulder as she approaches the sleeping ram. The grip on her sword has tightened, the leather of her gloves threatening to break under the strain. Leliana sighs and follows them onto the lawn. The patch Ser Woolsey has eaten is nice and short. 

“His name is Ser Woolsey,” Leliana says and the Divine laughs unexpectedly.

“A Ferelden ram no doubt and a most unusual colour.”

“He’s from Redcliffe. I have loaned him from a farmer there.”

“I see. For what purpose. He does not seem the faithful type nor protective.”

Leliana smiles. This is what few people see of the Divine and something she cherishes. Even Cassandra has a small smile on her face, even as her sword is unsheathed by an inch as the Divine bends to stroke the ram’s fur.

“He’s here to cut the lawn Your Perfection,” Leliana explains. “I have not been here to vet any new gardeners and none of the clerics or reverend mothers are physically able to maintain the lawn to a standard fitting of the grand cathedral.”

“I see,” Divine Victoria says, straightening up once more. She places a hand on Cassandra’s sword arm, squeezing it. The seeker doesn’t relax but does sheath her sword fully. “Very clever Leliana, resourceful as ever.” She lets go of Cassandra and looks at her. “And what is the problem?”

“The ram is a possessed.” the Seeker says.

“Ah.”

“By a demon,” she clarifies though Leliana knows the woman doesn’t believe in any other type of possession. Spirits, demons, they’re all the same to Cassandra and all need cutting down. Leliana would be a heretic for some of her beliefs if it weren’t for the Divine, but here they are, Left and Right hands, opposing sides of the same coin.

They haven’t always gotten along, but they don’t hate each other and they have the same duty. The same motivations.

Plus Leliana likes Cassandra. 

Even if the other woman disagrees with her most of the time.

“He does the same for the Redcliffe chantry,” Leliana blurts out. “The Reverand Mother there gave him a good reference.”

It sounds ridiculous out loud and she can see the Divines lips curling slightly.

“Do we know what sort of demon? Or it’s motivations?” she asks, voice cracking ever so slightly. Leliana swallows down her own laugh. Cassandra is glaring at them.

“I’m not sure what sort of demon. But he’s been a ram for a long time. Mostly he just gives the farmer who owns him tips for planting and harvesting his crops. He even saved the family from the Blight.”

“Commendable.”

“For a demon,” Cassandra says quietly.

“I usually trust your judgement without hesitation Leliana, but this...if word got out.”

“You’re worried about your reputation!” The seeker cries, then covers her mouth. “My apologies Your Perfection.”

Divine Victoria smiles.

“I trust Leliana not to endanger my life, as I trust you to do the same. You are my protectors both of you and neither of you would be here if I thought, even for a moment, that you would cause my harm in anyway. Even with a demon that seems intent on sleeping on my lawn rather than trimming it.”

Leliana laughs.

“I promise, only the three of us, and three scouts know of the ram’s possession. The scouts are my most trusted archers and will be watching Ser Woolsey on rotation every minute of the day and night.”

She nods to a shadow on the roof of one gazebo. 

“There are also two extra guards on rotation and another two archers. None of them know why there is increased security. I have just decided on a little shake up of things as far as they are concerned.”

She nods to the new archers on the walls and Cassandra spies a new guard as she walks past the ram. 

“No one can hear us where we stand, no one in Redcliffe other than the farmer and his family know I have the ram and part of the deal was their discretion in the matter. Anyone who knows about the talking ram of Redcliffe will simply be told he has gone out to pasture for the summer.”

“You- you have covered all bases Leliana,” Cassandra says. 

“I did not enter into this lightly. And if I could have a couple of weeks, preferably a month to vet some gardeners, I could find us some new staff.”

“Are you saying I am working you too hard Leliana?” the Divine says with a small smirk. Leliana blushes but smiles.

“Perhaps your Perfection, but certain jobs are certainly harder if I am not here to do them, no?”

The Divine laughs.

“True.” She turns to Cassandra who has finally relaxed her grip on her sword, though she has yet to let go. “And you Cassandra? Are you satisfied?”

“No,” she admits. “But I defer to your judgement.”

“Very well,” The Divine says. “The ram can stay, for now. But I have one more job for you before you can recruit some new gardeners for me Leliana.”

Leliana bites back a groan. She’s only been back from Redcliffe a few days. 

“I need you to go to Kirkwall,” she says, “I will explain all inside, come.”

She heads back into the cathedral, and Leliana follows but Cassandra hesitates, still watching Ser Woolsey as she wakes and stands. He starts to eat some more grass when he looks up at the Seeker and moves towards her. Cassandra rarely runs from anything, and never demons or rams, but the combination of the two has her working hard to stand her ground. 

Ser Woolsey comes closes, to the edge of the lawn.

“It’s not Ser Woolsey,” he says. “That is not my name.”

Cassandra looks around her before answering.

“Then what is your name, demon.”

“Lord Woolsey.”  
Cassandra laughs then, loud and long, attracting the attention of most of the garden. Leliana and the Divine turn back to her as she approaches them, still laughing. Lord Woolsey has gone back to eating the grass, seemingly satisfied now he has corrected this grievous error.

“Whatever is so funny Cassandra?” Leliana asks.

“I will explain inside,” she tells them. “But I’m not longer concerned about...Lord Woolsey.”

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing.


End file.
